Haziran 18, 2013

"the heart is quiet."

Bugün Ali Trotta'nın blogunda okuduğum bir yazıyı paylaşmak istiyorum seninle ey okur. Kelimesi kelimesine katılıyorum kadına. Ve de gerçekten çok güzel yazmış. Belki sen de kendini bulursun yazıda tıpkı benim bulduğum gibi. İşte o yazı :
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Earlier today, I found a note on my phone. I’d written it, obviously. Unless my phone has developed Gremlins. In which case…don’t feed it after midnight. But this note – I don’t remember writing it. I don’t know when it was written. I don’t have anything to go on, except what it says.

You are worth it.

That’s it. One single, brief sentence. And yet, it sparked a whole wave of thoughts in my head. Because we all what to be worth it – whatever hardship and troubles are in the way, between us and something else. Between us and someone else. Everyone wants to be worth the trouble, the risk, the difficulties, and disasters.

You are worth it.

Take a tough situation. Conjure one up from your memories. Think about your last, great, difficult relationship. There’s a moment, always, where you think: is it worth it? Is this person worth the trouble? [Whatever that trouble may be.] There’s that turning point where you look at all the chaos, weigh it, measure it – factoring in emotions with the facts – and you decide. It might not be a conscious thing, but it always happens. You always choose.

You are worth it.

Some situations are rife with fights, emotional shrapnel, and razor-wire that’s found its way into words. In instances like that, people often lie to themselves, convinced that it’s easier to stay, easier just to deal with it, easier just to keep on keeping on. That, darlings, is a lie made of someone else’s broken glass. Somehow, you swallowed it, and it’s torn up your throat. That makes it hard to talk, hard to move, and harder to fight. Harder to make the changes that you – in your heart – know need to be made. Hell, when you’re in any kind of pain (physical, emotional), it’s hard to make any kind of decision. Fire, bad. Tree, pretty.

You can’t do something like that (change your life; change your job; follow your dreams; chase a person) for someone else. That kind of thing isn’t something you ask another person (unless you’re Meredith Grey. Pick me. Choose me. Love me.). You’re not borrowing a car or a cup of sugar. But you’re standing in front of someone, vulnerable, open-hearted – saying, I’m right here – am I worth it? (Possibly, I might add, in the figurative sense.) You can’t change for a person, but you can change because of a person. Because that person woke you up, gave you something when you needed it, and maybe saved you a little – when you didn’t know you needed saving. And loves, we all need saving, now and again. Anyone who tells you differently is probably a little too Gollum (hiding in the dark; a little effin’ CRAZY; fond of raw fish. Wait…that’s sushi).

Here is what I know. Here is what I’ve been thinking about lately. The people who love us – who truly love us – they point out the things we’re obviously trying to ignore. They do this with love, but they do it. They look at you when you’re at your worst, but wearing a smile, and say – hold up, this is wrong. This is not a selfish act – to fight for someone else, for that person’s own wellbeing. It is easy to buck against, though, because it’s easier to hide. Because hiding means not having to face what it is we’re hiding from. It’s easier to stay in one place. But no matter how pretty the prison, it’s still got bars on the windows. You may get three square meals and a roof over your head – but that’s not all that life is. That’s not all that life should be. Choosing to stay in a moment, a situation, like that? Well, you become your own jailer. But I digress.

Someone who loves you – not your wallet, not what you can do for them –  will fight for you, even when it means fighting you. Even if it’s ugly. Even if it hurts. Even if it’s terrifying. Even if it seems crazy or impossible. I don’t believe in impossible. That’s just a challenge wearing hard work like a hat. I’m okay with that.

What we often fail to remember is that the ‘right’ thing isn’t always the sane thing. That the definition of right cannot be defined by anything other than your heart. Sometimes, the crazy thing is the best thing. The insane wild leap. Given yourself permission to be happy (strange, that we need to do that, no?), to pursue what makes you happy, to better your world. That choice is like magic. Because, yes, you are worth it.

When you need to hear it – and who doesn’t? – you are worth it.

“He isn’t interested in simple. He wants what he wants. No matter how much trouble she is and no matter whether he even understands it himself.” ― Deanna Raybourn, A Spear of Summer Grass

“The only problem is the heart is quiet. It takes a very special kind of person to hear what the heart says. Most can’t hear it at all and they have to guess. There are a lot of people walking around just guessing.” ― Suzanne Palmieri, The Witch of Little Italy

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(özellikle son alıntıyı çok seviyorum. o nedenle koyu renkle işaretledim. her şey 4 cümleyle açıklanmış. üstüne bir söze gerek yok)

Kendine iyi bak ey okuyucu. Unutma hayat mucizelerle dolu.

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