Ağustos 17, 2016

after all, "change is the only evidence of life".


The first day of the rest of your life. It was the english title of a French movie that I saw almost three years ago. It's strange to see how time flies that fast... But today I decide, because I finally felt the change inside me. I decide: I won't let other people to change my mood. I won't let other's thoughts to destroy my dreams. Especially, I won't give my laughter to the ones who don't deserve it. It's not about becoming a totally serious person who doesn't smile -not even once, but I need calm, I need 'not compelled or forced' conversation. I need sincere and natural conversations. That's all.

I was always a person who smiles a lot, talk a lot, discuss a lot; but maybe this particular time of my life doesn't need these. In my heart, I know that I don't even like to talk a lot, or laugh a lot... but the personality that I've built for years made me like this. I know it is almost always very hard to change it after one point, but I know I can change it. Now, finally, I am able to do it. Unfortunately, the most scary part is thinking of the possible reactions of my friends, on the other hand, I know they will be fine with new Dilara who doesn't laugh or talk a lot even though deep inside she never wanted to. I always like to have warm conversations with the people I really care, but the habit of talking a lot or laughing a lot is like an addiction which makes you suffer at the end of the day. I have to stop trying to be a person who talks too much to get other people involved in conversation. I have to find the balance.

After a month later, the new term -the last term of my undergrad years- will start and it will be literally a new term for me. After all, as the writer said, "change is the only evidence of life". Please, just be the person who you really are, otherwise you are going to feel like 'trapped' all the time. Don't forget: feeling free to act whatever you like is based on your state of mind.

One more thing! I'd like to recommend a song for you (bunch of people who possibly follow) before I go: "The Box" by Damien Rice. (his voice is really the most heavenly voice on earth)

Love, Dilara.

2 tanecik yorum:

Adsız dedi ki...

You have many voices in your heart. Love shouts in the highest pitch and that's pretty awesome. However a heart who holds this much of love is hard to control and may face devastating mood swings. It is really demanding and almost impossible to satisfy. It'll make you feel like drowning, trapped and confused. What you must do is to harvest the happiness of your love but suppress its voice. Otherwise other voices won't get a chance, the balance will be upside down, your love voice will demand and cry like a spoiled child again. If you can teach it to be calm and respect the other voices in your heart, you'll find the one for you. I hope that you'll have the balance in your heart soon, let your love voice will be the leader but train it to be respectful to the other voices. Wish you the best. Take care.

Dilara Boğa dedi ki...

"However a heart who holds this much of love is hard to control and may face devastating mood swings. It is really demanding and almost impossible to satisfy. It'll make you feel like drowning, trapped and confused." it's like the story of my life... i can't figure out what i really want so this makes almost all the parts confusing. Also that "balance" is almost impossible to have... thank you for your comment. I noticed that you wrote like you know me and probably you do. who are you? (is it too much to ask?) take care...

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